Apologies Are Never Easy

Posted on Sat May 3rd, 2025 @ 3:18pm by Lieutenant Jera'turak Ros & Grace Winters PhD

1,153 words; about a 6 minute read

Jera had to remind herself to breathe as she walked slowly towards her destination. The quiet hum of a star ship at warp speed gave her some calm, but her mind was still racing nonstop. Apologies were never easy, at least not for her. It was one reason she had never been considered for anything other than what she was, which at least was a really good engineer who was fairly reliable in a fight. This, however, was no fight that she was facing. It was a person she owed an apology to, and that fact alone made Jera feel uncomfortable.

Reaching the door which was her destination, Jera took a deep breath and exhaled. Bracing herself as best she could, she reached out and tapped the door chime.

Grace was sitting at her desk, looking over the new arrivals and wondering how well they'd adapt to the ship when she heard the door chime. "Come in," she called, standing to walk around her desk so she could greet her visitor.

Jera took a deep breath and entered the office. She paused just inside the door, her eyes darting around the room quickly before they settled on the only person in the room. "Miss Winters, I wondered if I might have a moment of your time," she said hesitantly.

"Of course." Grace indicated a small conversation area with two chairs and a couch. "Please, have a seat. Can I get you something from the replicator?" She could tell that the other woman was nervous and wanted to put her more at ease before they talked.

Hesitating for a moment, Jera made her way to a chair and sat down. She remained upright, as if she were sitting at full attention. "No, thank you," she said slowly, trying hard to control her choice of words. The last thing she wanted to do was offend the counselor even more.

"That's fine. It's not a requirement." The counselor smiled warmly, hoping to put the other woman at her ease. She sat down opposite Jera. "How may I help you?"

Jera sat quietly in her seat for a moment, trying to appear calm but she was certain that her expression betrayed her feelings. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to look directly at the counselor and meet the other woman's eyes as she finally spoke. "I believe that I owe you an apology for my actions and words towards you earlier," Jera said. "My hostility was not intended to be taken out on you, and I should have been kinder to someone who was trying to make an effort at disarming a bad situation."

"Thank you. I can see that this is difficult and I appreciate the effort." Grace watched Jera for a moment. "Tell me why you feel the way you do."

"Towards counselors, or just in general?" Jera asked, trying to avoid the obvious subject that Grace Winters' question had been about.

"Both." She could see Jera was uncomfortable and decided to be blunt. "Is this about Lieutenant Commander Kosh? Do you want to tell me why you have such strong emotions for all Cardassians?"

"It is," Jera admitted, trying hard to keep her voice from breaking. "And it's not difficult to guess why I hate Cardassians, Miss Winters. I grew up during the Occupation of Bajor. It's not hard for anyone who lived through that to hate every Cardassian they meet, not like I ever planned on encountering any much less meeting one that joined Starfleet."

grace knew that, but she wanted Jera to say it, as that was the first step to having a conversation about it. "Every Cardassian? Were there none that disagreed with what their government was doing?"

"I wouldn't know," Jera said. "But if I had to go by what I observed, then I would have to say that almost every Cardassian I encountered, if they didn't agree with their government, certainly enjoyed the pain they inflicted on non Cardassians."

"Yes. From what I heard, there were many who went along with it. Some agreed and some feared repercussion. But not all Cardassians can be painted with the same brush. Just as not all Romulans or all Orions are evil. I do not wish to belittle what happened. But Commander Kosh went out of his way to help Bajorans. He married a Bajoran. Perhaps you should speak with her about why her husband joined Starfleet and why his own people turned against him."

"That may not be a good idea," Jera said, fighting hard to keep her emotions in check. Bajorans held grudges for a long time, and it was still hard for many to consider being friendly towards Cardassians. For a Bajoran to marry a non Bajoran was already often a difficult concept. For one to marry a Cardassian was far worse to many Bajorans. Jera shook her head.

"I'm sure that Kosh did help Bajorans, and I'm sure his wife has her reasons for marrying him," she continued. "But I'm afraid some wounds run far too deep for them to be healed quickly."

"While that may be true, you can begin by controlling your outward response," Grace said. "That's a first step. Tell yourself that there are exceptions and this Cardassian is one. It will take time, but if you do this repeatedly, your animosity will slowly decrease. You can also think of his daughter and what she must be facing right now. She doesn't deserve your animosity." She paused. "I'm not saying you can change immediately. You can't. It will take time. As you said, this attitude is ingrained and it'll take time for you to work through it. What I'm asking is that you decide you want to change and take the first step. If you fall back, try again. And again. Eventually, you'll be ready for the next step."

"Perhaps," Jera said, hesitating as she spoke. "But Bajorans are a stubborn people, and I've heard that the same is true for Romulans. As you said, this change you speak of will take time, and I don't always have the best self-control over my emotional responses in certain situations. I would be thankful if I had someone who could support me during this... transition."

"It's still a case of mind over matter--which is easier said than done. Changing your attitude and your thoughts is always the hardest part. But, I'm here to talk through each step and to give you any support you need."

"I would greatly appreciate it," Jera said with a small nod of thankfulness. After a moment of quiet, she stood. "Thank you for your time, Miss Winters," she added.

"You're very welcome. Thank you for coming to talk with me." Grace smiled. "I have no doubt you'll be able to work through this."

Jera bowed her head in a sign of thankfulness before she turned and headed out of the office.

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